yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
