you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am never drinking with the goths again.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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