he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
