my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
