im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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