I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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