my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's get the cat blown out
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
