big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize