What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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