he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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