I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
