i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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