you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize