I must be too annoying 4 u.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
