4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
