Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
