were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize