My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
