I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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