She's JV to your varsity
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
