This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
