WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
