my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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