I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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