Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
