Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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