Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
