Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
