giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
