I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
