11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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