this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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