So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
