I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
