I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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