Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
