so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
