can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
