He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize