nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just puked most of my soul out..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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