My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
