He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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