That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
