She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
