When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
