and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
