i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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