everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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