I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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