If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
how does that bad decision feel?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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