we have pet lesbian snakes
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
i think i just lost a toe
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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