dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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