True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize