My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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