are you so shy because you have an std?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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