i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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