just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
