It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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