ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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