He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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