I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
