is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
