dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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