How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
