I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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