Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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