your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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