Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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