No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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