how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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