My pussy is not your playground.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
