also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
