Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
