So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
