Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
