god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
