best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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