Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Randomize
