I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
